Banks' Daddy

***So this post took a different twist from my initial intentions of writing it.  I was going to write about how excited I am see Matt as a father, which I will eventually get to, but for now this will serve as documentation of our lengthy love story.  I got a little long winded, but there are so many details...ones I never want to forget.  If you make it through, good for you :)

Matt and I have known each other for a very long time...all the way back to the sixth grade.  When we met Matt and I were not on our best game. I wish I had a picture of both of us from this time period.  This was before Matt hit a huge growth spurt and became one of the tallest kids in the class. This was also before his contacts...no need to further explain if you know how thick his glasses are.  I, on the other hand, was awkward, had huge bangs, and didn't get the memo that I had to wash my hair daily.   Either way, Matt and I "met" and were friends throughout middle school.  We became even better friends in high school where we ran around in the same group.  After Matt transferred from Carolina after one semester to PC we developed a whole different type of relationship.  He became my best guy friend and one that I was constantly going to for my "boy advice."  He heard about every date, every sorority function, every crush, etc.  He was my sounding board and some one that I could always count on to be there for me no matter what.   We were each others' dates to mixers and functions when we just wanted a good friend without any pressure.  He would set me up on dates and I would do the same for him...always looking out for each other. I should have known then how caring, loyal, and dependable he was.  However, both of our hearts were in friend mode...and that was OK because that's exactly where they needed to be for that time period.  How many times did we hear about how we were perfect for each other or about speculations of us dating...but we ignored them and were content with our close friendship. God was preparing both of our hearts for years about what the future would hold for this friendship.   Laughingly one day Matt had made me mad or I was annoyed by the 100th person saying to me "you and Matt are so getting married one day," that I angrily told my friend Kathryn that if "Matt was the last person on earth I would not procreate with him!"  Ha. Ha. Ha.  God had a good laugh out of this one I'm sure.

Picture:  Out to dinner one night with friends....just friends...

I can only say that the change of my feelings toward him was divine intervention.  I think there had been times in college where we had thought about this type of feelings, but neither one of us were ever on the same page and it was too weird to actually pursue.  We had never told each other this specifically, but looking back we know it is true.  There is a LONG standing debate about all this, but that is a whole other post/book in and of itself.  Lets just say Matt and I have differing opinions about each other's feelings over the years, haha.  I have a feeling Matt will be telling our grandchildren one day about how I was "so in love with him in high school," and I will rebuttle with how he was "so in love with me in college," haha. Anyways, back to the changing of feelings.  Well late into junior year at PC things just changed with us.  I can't really say what triggered it, but I have to believe that it was maturing on both of our parts.  Both of us had a lot of work to do emotionally and spiritually to come to a place where we were ready for an "adult" relationship.  Matt will admittedly say that there were many things he wanted to change, and myself the same.  We were both heading in that direction and again the Lord's timing works out perfectly because I believe a lot of this occurred because we were headed in that direction at the same time.  There was major work going on in both of our hearts.

I have a very distinct memory about the night that my feelings changed though.  I can honestly say that it was purely God who changed my heart and opened my eyes to the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was lying in bed after having drunk way too many Mountain Dews with Kathryn studying for our first physics test of the semester.  I had thoughts racing in and out of my mind about relationships, the future, centrifugal force, mass vs. energy, marriage, etc.  It was a jumble.  Then out of the blue I thought to myself, "Matt would make an awesome husband."  BAM!  The thought landed in my brain like a ton of bricks and it was not going anywhere.  I can't make this stuff up...this honestly happened and I can only explain that God interceded my thoughts and permanently fixed this idea into my brain.  I just couldn't shake it and my mind immediately began to wander.  After a few minutes of sifting through this thought I got out of bed and did what any normal college kid did in 2006...got on AOL instant messenger, better known as IM to any one else at PC at the time.  I sent Matt an IM (keep in mind its 3am or so because Kathryn and I had procrastinated and ended up studying way too late) that said something to the effect of "so I have been thinking about some things about us I want to talk to you about."  Did I really just send that? In that instant my mind snapped back to reality and this IM was followed up quickly by a "you know what, nevermind, forget I said anything...see you tomorrow :)" Obviously when Matt awoke to this the next morning this peaked his interest and the next day I got an early phone call asking for an interpretation of this random IM at 3am.  I tried to shrug it off, but I'll give it to him, he was persistent.  He would NOT let me forget this and kept asking about it.  Well if you know me that LAST thing I ever want to do is talk about feelings, ugh, I dread those conversations...so basically I was trying to avoid this like the black plague.  Was I crazy?  What kind of idiot was I to send that at 3am?  I must have been sleep deprived and temporarily insane.  Still the thought would not get out of my head. 

Over the next few days Matt kept calling me a "wuss" and urged me to talk about what I had sent...but my lips were sealed and I was denying it left and right.  The next weekend rolled around and it just so happened that a lot people were away for sporting events or had gone home, so the only ones of our friends still around were Cameron and Jonathan (who had been dating for a few months) and Matt and me.  I had to cheer at a basketball game Saturday night and then the plan was we would all grab dinner.  When asked where I was thinking of going I said we could just go to GDH (school caf) or grab some El Jal (local Mexican restaurant).   Matt had something else in mind and said...no, let's drive to Spartanburg and go to Red Lobster.  Um, first of all...Red Lobster? random.  Second of all, that was a little fancy and I could see this "double date" emerging and I wasn't so sure I was OK with it.  I know I was the one who had all those thoughts and had initially initiated this whole discussion, but after a 10 year friendship, I was ready to just turn around and go back to where I was comfortable.  I wasn't sure I was comfortable with things changing with Matt.  It was a "make it or break it" scenario...was I willing to risk my best friend?  Let's get real...I was scared.  Well Matt won out in the end and we all jumped in Cameron's Tahoe and headed to Red Lobster.  Cameron and J did their best to "leave us alone" while we waited for our table (little did I know that J had been in on this whole scheme all along).  Matt and I talked briefly about "stuff," but mostly it was our normal conversation...only it wasn't.  There was already something different about this relationship and it felt so foreign to me.  I'll make it clear that it wasn't "foreign" in a bad sense, but different...different from the past 10 years.  We had dinner, Matt paid (strange, but not completely weird), and we headed back.  Over the next few days we had some pivotal conversations.  One took place in the Arthur State Bank parking lot where Matt finally bit the bullet and expressed his feelings and I tried to do the same.  More conversations took place as I was taking a class at Wofford and Matt conveniently wanted me to pick him up Chick-fil-a each time so that we would have to meet in the grassy plaza between our dorms for the exchange.  I can't say exactly what changed over the next few weeks/days, but it did.  Matt and I started acting more like a couple and less like friends.  He treated me differently and I treated him differently.  My feelings were growing at an alarming rate and it was all a whirlwind.  

Picture: Football game senior year...dating

Mid-February we visited Lexington for the weekend and we decided that we would make things official and began dating.  I honestly have such vague memories about the time between Red Lobster and this day.  I know it sounds so trite, but this was all God...He had this plan long before either one of us knew anything.  He knew that it would take 10 years of friendship to soften both of our hearts to this relationship.  I did know one thing for sure that mid-February day that Matt became my "boyfriend."  I knew that that day he was my boyfriend, but I was also sure that one day this would be my husband.  God gave me such certainty that I was making the right choice and this would be the man I would spend the rest of my life with.  I was in love with the same guy I had known for so long, but he was no longer that "Matt." I can't explain it, but my heart and eyes looked at him as some one brand new...how thankful I am that Jesus can soften and change our hearts.  His plan is so good and you have to trust Him.  Our relationship obviously grew quickly and by April, on our spring break trip with all of our friends, somewhere in the middle of the ocean on a Norwegian Cruiseline, Matt told me he loved me.  I felt the same way and it felt natural to say this back to him.  This was the only time I had said this to a boy and I am glad that it was for him...because I meant it with every fiber of my being. This was who God had chosen for me...this was every bit of my future.  

Picture:  In Bahamas on cruise with friends

If I didn't realize it then, I do now, and I thank God for the certainty He gave me all along.  We spent the next year growing this relationship as well as our relationship with God.  It was important to both of us that we were actively growing spiritually if we wanted to continue on this track that we both knew we were quickly approaching. We had built our post-college plans around one another and we were both headed to Charleston for grad school.  A few weeks before graduation Matt proposed to me during a romantic proposal (he is always the romantic) and I said "yes" with tears in my eyes.  I was never happier. 

Picture: The night we got engaged

The past four and a half years of marriage has been such an incredible journey.  I cannot imagine my life with someone besides Matt, and I sure don't want to.  There has been ups and downs...but we have been together.  It has been us.  I am thankful for the Lord's intervention in creating our love story.  Any day now we will be adding to our love story...a new chapter, the next milestone, a new role for both of us.  I have gotten a glimpse into the type of father Matt will be by watching him be the best uncle to Blakely.  He has far surpassed any expectation I have had for him. He is so gentle, loving, caring, compassionate, and fun.  He has made numerous statements of how much he loves that baby girl and how he would do anything for her.  One of my favorite statements came one night when we were at dinner with Jordan and Will.  Keep in mind I am very pregnant and hormones are little out of control, but we were talking about how being an Aunt and Uncle has been and how it opened our eyes to a whole new perspective.  Matt said plainly, "I never knew how much I would love Blakely, I mean, I would give up my life in an instant for her."  Well between the love I feel for that little girl, raging hormones, and thoughts of our own child, tears welled up in my eyes.  I love his heart.

Picture: Uncle Matt and Blakely

Matt is exactly the man I would want to raise my children.  He has spent the last 9 months reading books on fatherhood and how to raise a son.  He is so excited to be a daddy...I don't think I have ever met a man so ready to be a father.  He understands the calling and responsibility that God places on you when he gives you a fresh soul to raise in Him.  My heart could burst when I see the excitement he has about becoming a father, and I can hardly imagine what my heart will feel when I see him hold his son for the first time.  

So there it is...a recap of everything from awkward sixth grade to our feelings about transitioning to becoming parents...and everything in between.  What a sweet story this is to me, and I am glad I have it written down to always look back on.  My heart could burst with thankfulness for each of the words on this page.  To Matt, thank you for being my partner in this crazy journey...I am so thankful it is you and I love you so. Can't wait to begin this next chapter.